SHAME, SEXUALITY, & WORTHINESS
Therapy for Sexual Shame at ICC
Therapy for sexual shame is not about becoming someone different. It is about reclaiming parts of the self that were taught to hide.
Sexual shame rarely begins in isolation. It often develops within relational, cultural, or religious systems that assign moral weight to desire. In these environments, sexuality can become something to manage, suppress, confess, or control rather than something to inhabit. Over time, individuals may internalize the belief that desire itself is evidence of defectiveness.
Shame may also form in the aftermath of trauma, betrayal, body criticism, or experiences in which sexuality felt unsafe or coercive. The nervous system can begin associating intimacy with threat rather than vitality. Desire becomes complicated by fear, guilt, or hypervigilance. For some, this results in inhibited libido or relational withdrawal. For others, sexuality becomes compulsive, secretive, or fused with self-criticism. While these presentations appear different, they often organize around the same core narrative: “Something is wrong with me.”
Common Signs Sexual Shame is Showing Up
Sexual shame can be loud or subtle. It often appears as an ongoing internal negotiation between desire and self-judgment. Clients commonly describe:
• Anxiety or dread before intimacy, even in a safe relationship
• Difficulty accessing desire, arousal, or pleasure
• A “split self” experience—one part wanting connection, another part shutting down
• Persistent guilt after sexual thoughts, arousal, masturbation, or sex
• Hyper-monitoring (“Am I doing this right?” “What does this mean about me?”)
• Avoidance of touch, nudity, initiation, or sexual communication
• Low libido shaped by fear, disgust, or moral threat
• Cycles of secrecy, compulsion, or self-punishment around sex
• Body shame that interrupts presence, pleasure, or confidence
• A chronic sense of being “too much” or “not enough”
How Shame Gets Conditioned Into the Body
Even when beliefs change, the nervous system may continue to respond as if sexuality is dangerous. For many clients, shame was learned through:
• Purity culture messaging, modesty policing, or rigid gender expectations
• Religious conditioning that equated desire with sin, weakness, or risk
• Family systems where sexuality was criticized, ignored, or treated as shameful
• Trauma, coercion, betrayal, or relational experiences where sexuality felt unsafe
• Body criticism, appearance-based worth, or chronic self-surveillance
• Social scripts that rewarded compliance and punished autonomy
When sexuality is repeatedly paired with threat, the body learns vigilance. Healing requires more than insight; it requires re-patterning safety, agency, and self-trust.
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What Therapy Focuses On
Healing from sexual shame is not about abandoning values. It is about differentiating inherited scripts from chosen convictions. Therapy creates space to:
• Identify the specific shame narratives shaping desire and self-worth
• Untangle moral injury, purity culture residue, and internalized “shoulds”
• Rebuild a sense of consent with self—choice, pacing, and internal permission
• Develop emotional regulation skills for anxiety, triggers, and nervous-system flooding
• Strengthen relational clarity: communication, boundaries, and needs articulation
• Support embodied reconnection through grounded, non-performative presence
• Integrate sexuality with identity rather than treating it as a problem to manage
Who this Work Supports
This work is especially meaningful for individuals and couples navigating:
• Sexual shame and self-judgment
• Faith transitions or religious deconstruction
• Betrayal trauma and intimacy rupture
• Desire discrepancy and inhibited desire
• Compulsive sexual behavior patterns shaped by shame
• Body image distress that disrupts intimacy
• Post-traumatic sexual shutdown or hyperarousal cycles
Kristin Bennion, LCSW, CST, approaches sexual shame through an integration of trauma-informed practice, attachment theory, and critical sexuality studies. Her work recognizes that sexual shame is both psychological and sociocultural. Rather than pathologizing desire, therapy supports autonomy, consent, relational ethics, and embodied agency.
Kristin provides online therapy throughout Utah, including clients in Utah County, Salt Lake County, Orem, and throughout the state.
Kristin's Approach
What Recovery Can Feel Like
Recovery does not mean becoming “more sexual.” It means becoming more integrated. Over time, many clients experience:
• Less fear and self-monitoring in intimate moments
• Greater access to desire, pleasure, and internal permission
• A steadier sense of worth that is not contingent on “being good”
• Increased ability to communicate needs and boundaries without collapse
• More ease in the body—less dissociation, more presence
• Intimacy that feels chosen, mutual, and coherent
Shame rarely exists in isolation. It often intersects with faith transitions, partnership dynamics, and identity reconstruction. The goal is not to silence sexuality. It is to bring it into alignment with values, integration, and worthiness.
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You are allowed to feel whole and alive in your body, in your relationships, and within yourself.